Today’s 4.24 UT-rated NEIPA from BlackStack is so fabulously juicy, I bet the brewers want to pitch it on Shark Tank as the grown-up version of a tropical Orange Julius!

It’ll probably play out like this:

“Today, Sharks, we’re asking for one million dollars for a 25% stake in our sessionable New England IPA, Patent Pending.

We double dry-hopped it with Experimental Hop HBC 630 and a few hand-selected cones of Citra Hops, for notes of ripe peaches, succulent passionfruit, crisp apples, and cherry lifesavers. Our use of Eukanot Cryo adds the delightful pithiness of freshly squeezed oranges, and copious amounts of malted wheat and oats give it a rich and creamy mouthfeel. 

Our popular brews like this one are putting us on the map in Minnesota! TapTraveler called us the ‘most innovative brewery in Minnesota’ last year, and said it’s ‘no surprise that [our] cans are so sought after.’”

After the pitch, they’d pour a few samples and wait patiently as the Sharks sniffed the inviting aromas of lemons and wildflowers, before diving into the fruity flavors of crisp apples and bing cherries.

Once he tasted it, I’m sure Mark Cuban would echo the words of craft fan @Jeffrey W: “Outstanding beer! Gets a Rare 5/5 from me. Starts smooth and citrus, and fades to a nice, mild, hoppy finish.”

Barbara Corcoran would chime in next, saying something like, “this is delicious. It’s so flavorful and easy drinking!” Then, she and Mark would duke it out for who gets to take home this BlackStack beauty. 

Luckily, you don’t have to swim with the sharks — or sacrifice a ridiculous amount of money — for your share of Patent Pending. All you have to do is exercise your button-pushing muscles. 

Rated 4.24 on Untappd